Ask FOX

Dear FOX:

Your news network is monopolized by a bunch of fascists. And now you cancel Arrested Development. I'll never watch your lousy network again. And certainly don't count on me to buy anything from your deluded sponsors.

One creative, brilliant comedy on all of cable television, and you can't be bothered to show it. What — is there some vacuous reality program you can substitute on the cheap to spoon-feed the dead souls of this country? Maybe some more brain-pap vaudeville from Howie Long and Terry Bradshaw? Get your heads out of your butts. By conceding a half hour a week to sophisticated, quality programming, you had actually stood out among your peers. But I suppose continuing to exercise the minds of America would run counter to the mission of your 24-hour news channel, which calls for as thick and drooling an audience as possible.

You absolutely suck beyond redemption. I will work tooth and nail, through my life, to bring you down. I will buy out your miserable network, shut it down, and put every single person responsible for this decision out of work.

[Phutatorius]